Having a little fun with today’s post. Not knowing how many blondes we have among our MSB lurkers, rest assured it’s all in jest ;)
Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?
From eating with forks.
A brunette goes to the doctor and says, “It hurts everywhere I touch”. The doctor says “Everywhere? Show me what you mean.” She touches her elbow and screams “Ouch!”. Then touches her knee and yells out “It hurts!”. She touches her head and in pain cries out “Ouch it hurts! It hurts everywhere!”. The doctor asks, “Were you ever a blonde?” “Yes, I was.” she replies. “Why do you ask?” The doctor answers, “Because your finger is broken!”
What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.
Why do men like blonde jokes?
Because they can understand them.
How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
Tell her a joke on Wednesday.
Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice?
Because it said ‘concentrate’.
How do you get a twinkle in a Blonde’s eye?
Shine a flashlight in her ear.
What did the blonde say when she saw Cheerios?
Donut seeds.
Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months? Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.
Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
It takes too long to retrain them.
There was this guy who was married to a blonde, and each night he came home with a new blonde joke. One night the wife got mad and decided to show him that she wasn’t dumb. She spent the whole next day learning all her states and capitals. That night when he got home he told his joke. She says, “I’m not so dumb. I know all of the states and capitals. Go ahead, quiz me.” He thought for a moment and asked, “What is the capital of Massachusetts?” She quickly replied, “M”!
Hahaha, very funny. Thanks for the chuckle!
Well, well, well.
Why do men like women who wear leather clothes?
Because they have the “new truck” smell.
Next try some Chuck Norris jokes as well.
Happy Thanksgiving !
When Chuck Norris does push ups, he pushes the earth down.
What does superman wear to bed?
Ans: Chuck Norris pajamas.
Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people, then it exploded.
Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris’ leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: “What is courage?” He received an A+ for turning in a blank page with only his name at the top.
Call sign of the only blonde to ever pass a ham test: BL0 NDE But she can’t remember if it’s an O or a zero.
A blonde and a friend were paddling down a river when the canoe tipped over. They each swam to a different side of the river. The friend yells, “how do I get to the other side.”
The blonds answers, “You are on the other side.”
My wife is blonde and hates blonde jokes. Thank you ;)
Well, don’t let her read this article!
I never reveal my sources :)
How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb?
I’ll let you know as soon as they learn how.
Five. One to hold the bulb, four to lift her and rotate the ladder.
How do you drown a blonde?
Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool.
Of course we can also do Polish jokes.
A Polack is sitting on the beach one day and see’s this guy walking down the beach with half a dozen ladies hanging on him. He decides to follow him when the man heads to the men’s bathroom. He catches up to him and says ” I’ve been watching you all afternoon, how do you manage to draw the ladies”? Well I’ll tell you what you do, you go down the the beach and find a couple of good size rocks and put them in your swim trunks. The Polack says “ya that sounds like it would work”. So the Polack heads down to the beach and does what the guy says. He starts strutting up and down the beach for an hour with no luck. The women are taking one look at him and turning away. He finally comes across the same guy and says, ” look, I did what you told me and still nothing. The guy looks him up and down and says, next time try putting them in the front.
How about a lawyer joke?
There was a wall between Heaven and Hell and it fell into disrepair. So God and the Devil got into an argument about whose responsibility it was to repair it.
The Devil said, “Well, I’ll hire a lawyer and sue you!”
God answered, “I’ll get a lawyer to sue YOU.”
The Devil answered, “Ha! Where are you going to find a lawyer on your side of the wall?”
Whats the difference between a dead skunk lying in the road and a dead lawyer lying in the road?
There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
The difference between good news and bad news? Hearing that a bus load of of lawyers ran off a bridge and drowned……….only to find out later that there were two empty seats.
As a lawyer woke up in the hospital after surgery he asked, “Why are all the blinds drawn in here?” The nurse answered, “There’s a fire across the street and we didn’t want you to think the operation had been a failure.”
What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers? Skeet.
A young lawyer, defending a businessman in a lawsuit, feared he was losing the case and asked his senior partner if he should send a box of cigars to the judge to curry favor. The senior partner was horrified. “The judge is an honorable man,” he said, “If you do that, I guarantee you’ll lose the case!” Eventually, the judge ruled in the young lawyers favor. “Aren’t you glad you didn’t send those cigars?” the senior partner asked. “Oh, I did send them,” the younger lawyer replied. “I just enclosed my opponents business card with them.”
Not a blonde joke but I heard it from one (aka wife) thought it was funny.
What do you see when the Pillsbury Doughboy bends over?
dough”NUTS”
Ohh sure take a break from reading articles and this one comes out…..
So did you hear about the blonde that ate pineapple with her beans?
She wanted to hear Hawaiian music when she pharted.
(No needed inputs from Kula)
How about the blonde that called 911 on her cell?
She locked herself in her car….
Baah rummm bump.…..crash
Blonde calls a locksmith to come and unlock her car. Could you please hurry!! I locked my keys in it and the top is down and it looks like rain!!
Now they are using lawyers instead of rats in California for lab tests. There are more of them and there are some things even a rat won’t do!
A blond goes to the bank and asks for a $5000 loan for a vacation, for which she’ll give them her Mercedes as collateral.
The bank manager quickly agrees, gives her the money and takes the car.
A week later the blond comes back to the bank and pays off the loan, including $25 in interest.
The bank manager is confused. “If you could pay for the vacation in cash, why did you take out a loan?”
The blond says, “Where else could I park my car for a week for $25?”
A man is driving down the road when he sees a hitchhiker. He thinks about it and decides to pick him up. The hitchhiker gets in and they head off down the road. It is quiet for a while, then the hitchhiker blurts out, “Aren’t you worried that I might be a serial killer?”
The driver starts laughing hysterically and says, “No, not at all! What are the odds that TWO serial killers would be in the same car, at the same time?”
Good one!
1. What do you call a dead blonde in a closet? Last year’s Hide-and-Go-Seek champion.
2. What happens when lawyers take Viagra? They get taller!
3. What’s black and brown and looks good on a lawyer? A Rottweiler.
Ken, Ken, Ken….I am a blonde, so is my husband. This post is in such poor taste…where do I begin? You have put us into a labeled-category, and you are ridiculing us. And I thought I had friends here, but it seems that I am the target of bullying and being laughed at.
Seriously! No not really…. these jokes are funny as hell! Keep ’em coming! LOL LOL You all crack me up!
Sign me “Childhood Cotton Top”
people should remember that the only power words have is what you give them, and not every thing is life or death. BLOND ALL MY LIFE
I was a blonde. Alas, I am more gray these days.
I’ve heard them all! Guess what color my hair is? Lol
How does one get a one armed blonde down from a tree?
Wave at her!
A blonde gets on a plane and sits in first class. The stewardess comes up to her and tells her she only has a coach ticket and that she will have to move. The blonde tells her that she is going to LA to become a star and deserves to be in first class. Then the head stewardess comes up to her and tells her she only has a coach ticket and will have to move. The blonde tells her that she is going to LA to become a star and deserves to be in first class. The pilot overhears the trouble the stewardesses are having and tells them not to worry about it because his wife is blonde and he knows how to take care of the problem. He talks to the blonde for about 30 seconds and she gets up and moves to coach. When ask how he did it he said he told her that first class didn’t stop in LA.
Ok OK, this is one of those days and ran across this
An old, blind Marine wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, ‘Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?’
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
‘Before you tell that joke I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I’m a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?’
The blind Marine thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, ‘No…not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.’