How to Recognize Bad People who aren’t obviously Bad
It may come as a surprise, but, there are bad people out there. Not only that, but some bad people are well disguised.
They may seem like regular people with regular jobs and activities, but are crooked and up to no good. Some are actually sociopaths ( 3 to 5 percent of the general population – more on that later).
How many times have you heard on the news, “He seemed like such a nice guy” (after having robbed or murdered someone)…
Some may be very well dressed and mannered, but are conniving, sneaky and crooked to the core.
It’s a slightly different skill set to recognize these types of people than it is to make a judgement solely based on their looks or first impressions.
There are bad people who make no attempt to hide it. When you run into one, it doesn’t take long to discover that the person is an a hole, so to speak.
There also are bad people who do hide it, and some do it quite well.
Why am I writing about this?
Well, awhile ago I got an email from one of our readers who suggested a post on this topic:
There have been many suggestions (here) on avoiding dodgy situations/dodgy folks/obvious sort of nasty persons.
It occurred to me, it is a slightly different skill set / set of intuitions / to roust out and avoid and be aware of those folks who are doing their “regular sort of jobs/activities” but are crooked/up to no good.
~MSB reader
Modern Survival is a wide ranging topic. Very wide in fact. What about that of surviving being victimized by someone who you may not have thought of as a ‘bad person’…
Have you ever found out later that a person who you trusted, or someone you were acquainted with, a coworker, or a friend, was actually a bad person?
I would suggest that we all have had that happen to us, probably more than once…
Clues that they’re Bad
I’m not expert, but I believe that I’m fairly good at reading people. I’m a generally suspicious person. Whether that’s a good or bad characteristic, I don’t know. But it has helped me recognize bad people and behavior that others had not seen.
The thoughts I’m going to present are not 100% reliable in that they’re a certain ‘tell’. They’re not. But it might set you in the right direction.
Facial Tells
It’s hard to exactly explain this one. There’s a certain amount of intuition that goes into everything. Perhaps learned over time.
The Smirk
Some people have a smirk. Not just a quick facial smirk. It tends to stay on their face through a conversation (more often than seems ‘normal’).
To me, that means they may be hiding something or their full of BS.
Painted-on Smile
There are those who seem to have a smile ‘painted on’ their face. Unless resulting from excessive Botox, it’s a bit unnatural to be interacting with someone who’s always smiling.
There’s a difference between natural smiling and fake smiling. Some of you may know what I mean.
Shifty Eyes
It’s when the person you’re speaking with is shifting their eyes excessively. They’re looking around more than what seems typical.
It’s really odd when they’re doing it while speaking. A type of nervous behavior. To me, that’s suspicious.
Give them Time
It’s easy to judge someone based on a short interaction. Often times that will be revealing enough. But I know you’ve heard this: “Don’t judge a book by its cover”.
Crafty clever sneaky people can be, well, crafty, clever and sneaky. They’ve been honing their skills for quite some time.
After awhile, even for the best of them, their underlying real persona may start to reveal itself. Where they succeed however is this:
Many (most) people are gullible and too trusting. They will never or rarely discover (perhaps only after getting burned) that the sneaky conniver is actually a sneaky conniver. The gullible stop looking for clues once they’ve made up their initial mind.
Give a new person in your sphere time to show who they are. But you have to be looking, noticing…
Discover their Motivation
Everyone is motivated by something.
What motivates someone depends on the situation, activity, job, etc. There are all sorts of various motivations for why people do things.
Often it’s to benefit themselves. But that’s not necessarily a bad thing. We all are motivated to benefit ourselves to an extent – lest we not survive this world!
However the sneaky crafty conniver is always about them-self. And they simply don’t care otherwise (unless it benefits them).
Their History
What do you know about this person? Where did he or she come from? Why is he here now?
Find out what the person did before. It can be revealing in one way or the other, even during a short conversation when the topic comes up (which you might initiate).
Who are their Friends?
Birds of a feather flock together. There are loaners, but like minded or similarly motivated people may hangout together. Revealing? Maybe.
They may have alignments based on who they are trying to influence. People may build networks that will help them get to their goal (common sense). But it all paints a picture.
There are more Sociopaths than you think…
According to the American Psychiatric Association, 3 out of 100 males are sociopaths. Depending on which statistics you check, a common figure is about 4% of the U.S. population.
The lack of conscience and an inability to feel remorse are the underlying factors of a sociopath.
Their personality initially comes across as charming. But they are masterful at manipulation and highly skilled at lying. They feel no guilt.
They slip under our radar because they put so much energy into deceiving us. They’re con artists. They are loyal to no one.
They can be criminals, con artists, drug dealers, heads of drug cartels, human traffickers and serial rapists. But they can also be politicians, wall-street traders, CEOs, business owners, lawyers, police, in the military, housewives, doctors, teachers, priests, home remodelers, therapists, social workers. And they could be one of your family members.
I found an interesting set of articles on the topic from ‘PsychologyToday’ while doing an ordinary internet search. Part 1. Part 2.
The Bottom Line
I don’t like to get burned. No one does.
Don’t be gullible. Look for clues.
I’m not suggesting that you should be constantly suspicious throughout your day to day activities. But it is prudent to apply a particular situational awareness towards those you interact with, especially until you believe there’s enough ‘evidence’ that all is well.
Remember, “stranger danger”.
Lets hear from you. What else might you add to the list how to tell if someone is up to no good?
Continue reading: A Little Paranoia Might Be Healthy Skepticism But Too Much Is Unhealthy
A good way to find out is if you loan them money and instead of paying you back, they find a way to discontinue the friendship. I have found that out twice in the last 20 years, both times it was a lot of money I couldn’t afford to lose.
Once it was $20,000 out of my IRA. When they didn’t pay me back, I couldn’t pay back my IRA and had to pay income tax in addition to losing the 20k.
The other time a different person wanted $5,000. I pleaded poverty, but not wanting to lose the “friendship” I finally said I had no money and my credit card was almost maxed out but I could borrow $2,900 against it. Even though she thought she had impoverished me, she still didn’t make any attempt to pay me back and later picked a fight over nothing.
I don’t think these people showed any of the warning signs you listed above.
Maybe the lesson there is simply to avoid lending anyone money… period. Though alternatively one might attempt to help the other person earn some money instead of borrowing it. Or attempt to influence them from spending the money that they’re looking for in the first place.
I’ve heard some stories of how money lending (friends/family) has hurt the relationship.
Shakespeare famously said, “Neither borrower or lender be” (Hamlet, Act 1, Scene 3). Wise and timeless advice.
That is one of the best ways to defuse a situation where someone is trying to pressure what they want, offer to help them earn it! If they have no fabric they will fold!
I would never lend anyone that kind of money. I have been burned a few times for a hundred or two but I can afford to lose that.
Never lend more than you can afford to lose. To ANYONE. Your best friend or your brother equally. It’s 50-50 whether it will ever be paid back, and the higher the amount the less likely. Someone who needs 20k is likely not being careful with the money they already have, so why would they be careful with yours?
O you who believe! When you contract a debt for a fixed period, write it down. Let a scribe write it down in justice between you. Let not the scribe refuse to write as Allah has taught him, so let him write. Let him (the debtor) who incurs the liability dictate, and he must fear Allah, his Lord, and diminish not anything of what he owes. But if the debtor is of poor understanding, or weak, or is unable himself to dictate, then let his guardian dictate in justice. And get two witnesses out of your own men. And if there are not two men (available), then a man and two women, such as you agree for witnesses, so that if one of them (two women) errs, the other can remind her. And the witnesses should not refuse when they are called on (for evidence). You should not become weary to write it (your contract), whether it be small or big, for its fixed term, that is more just with Allah; more solid as evidence, and more convenient to prevent doubts among yourselves, save when it is a present trade which you carry out on the spot among yourselves, then there is no sin on you if you do not write it down. But take witnesses whenever you make a commercial contract. Let neither scribe nor witness suffer any harm, but if you do (such harm), it would be wickedness in you. So be afraid of Allah; and Allah teaches you. And Allah is the All-Knower of each and everything.
Qur’an (2:282)
Jozef, Just so you know, our comment policy is such that we don’t allow comments to shift over into religious or theological discussions here. Though there is some common sense within your quote (others being a witness to the transaction – if one is willing to have others know about said transaction).
Didn’t know that, but i thought it would be useful.
Words and advices from Creator.
The best way to get rid of a bad person. Loan him 20 dollars, he or she will avoid contact so u don’t ask for the money back. I find it is best to loose 20 dollars than maybe more like 200 or 2000 dollars.
– Ken, I pay particular attention to how my dogs react to someone new around the house. If the dogs don’t like him/her, there’s probably a good reason why. They might be a bit inconvenient to carry around downtown for business meetings, but it is well worth remembering most of the time.
BTW. Ken, I know you are still trying on the ‘Save My Name’ feature? But it is still not working, FWIW.
– Papa S.
When they say “I alone can fix it”
It is very interesting regarding a dogs reaction. I’ve seen it with my own dog reacting with a few other people we know.
My dog recognized good people and bad people and also good dogs and bad dogs. Usually.
But I never noticed him avoiding the two friends who borrowed money and didn’t pay it back.
BTW, My two “friends” didn’t need advice on how to earn money. One of them offered me a “no-risk” investment, and the other one needed money to help her son in an emergency. In both cases, offering to help them find work or save money was not the answer. No risk investments are things I avoid now, though.
Whenever I hear something like “no risk” or “you can’t go wrong”, etc.. Red Flags go up. Like the old saying goes, “There’s no such thing as a free lunch”. ;)
– Wasn’t really thinking, because I currently don’t have a horse. If anything, horses, probably because they are a ‘prey’ species rather than a ‘predator’ species (like dogs), are even more sensitive to a stranger’s character than a dog. Still pretty inconvenient to drag upstairs or into the elevator for a business meeting, but…
– Papa
You might register your horse as a “service animal” ;)
Big dogs have no problem with me and actually seem to like me (I don’t like them). Most medium sized dogs have no problem with me. Small dogs would rather bite and run than come anywhere near me. So I guess I’ve got split personalities? :)
Papa, American Pit Bull terrier is accutely perceptive of wrong doers.
” Smile”, or age lines can sometimes be misinterpreted as a permanent smirk.
” Don’t judge what you don’t know son, you never walked in that man’s shoes.” Johnny Cash’s dad told him when he was growing up. Roughly 1in 10 are corrupt on average.
Its pretty simple never show your full hand to anyone. Keep people guessing on your true intentions.
Always have a backup or stash that you keep to yourself. Even if you are BFFs you never know if someone would turn on you.
That includes ur Kin… They can turn on you too if they become emotionally unstable.
Basically you also need to adopt psychopathic characteristics and strategies to combat an actual psychopath or known/unkown bad person. I do have remorse and sympathy for others in need and always help out when I can. I guess it takes one to know one. Never give up more than you can afford to lose.
Interesting Ken. Notice how all the traits you mentioned fit politicians?
I’ve long thought that the political arena attracts sociopaths. Because they desire to control others. It’s a perfect fit.
I’ve told my DW a number of times “He/She wants the job…that’s probably a tell that disqualifies Him/Her in itself”
Have you ever found out later that a person who you trusted, or someone you were acquainted with, a coworker, or a friend, was actually a bad person?
Absolutely and I think everyone who has lived any amount of time has a horror story or two like DaisyK.
It may sound stupid but the Ned Flanders, Homer Simpsons relation ship is a great example.
I’m a country bumpkin, yet I’m still amazed by the amount of drug use, worker comp scams and general evil, dishonest personalities walking among us by people I once thought I knew.
Animals and kids are usually a good indicator, but I have noticed people who tend to take advantage of others will only be great friends when they need something.
People who love to gossip and talk about others behind their backs is another great indicator. Having a true friend, “that one can absolutely trust” is a very rare commodity. Trust takes years and even then hard scenarios can change everything.
Yep, recently going through this type of situation. Neighbor was a friend. Helped her on several occasions – picking up, drop off, go to lunch, coffee etc. Best friend moved in and haven’t heard a word from her since.
DaisyK— a version of “not paying back money loan”–If they are often interested in a (restaurant) coffee meet up or lunch meet up, and somehow never have the money to pay.
Papa Smurf— absolutely— pay attention to your critters. If they do not like/distrust someone, head for the hills. Many times our large dog indicated dislike/distrust, and I believed him. Absolutely.
A big one, I have concluded, through many sad experience…If someone, especially a professional of some type (Doctor/Expert/Lawyer/etc) is too “sweet and nice”, they most likely are up to screwing you over, somehow. Time after time this has proven true for me, and I surely watch for it now.
Trust your gut….if somehow it doesn’t like a situation/person. Go with it. Always. You can make some polite excuse (IF needed), but you needn’t feel obligated to do so. A simple, No. No Thank You. or “I can’t. or “I’ll get back to you”.
Sometimes (after one has “learned”, it is easier than others, so to speak. There is someone I know. Calls infrequently. (and now I do not call). By now, I know if this person phones (or drops by), they want something, they want info, they want me to do something, etc..
Well, I have been burned by my little brother. Twice, and now he has burned his wife, maybe to the point of ending the marriage. I agree for the most part with dogs, but my dogs love my brother….so not a good use of them with his personality which may be in that 4% of sociopathic.
I tend to believe that a person will show you who they are versus who they Say they are. Give them a bit of time and they will show you. Once they show you, believe them!!!
Family, especially close family, is in the best position to put the screws to you. It’s almost impossible to resist a sibling’s or parent’s cries for help which include a heaping helping of guilt-tripping.
Learning to say NO, quickly and forcefully, is distasteful but absolutely necessary to your continued well-being. Yeah, I know, easier said than done and most people end up learning it only after getting screwed over more than once.
“Lets hear from you. What else might you add to the list how to tell if someone is up to no good?”
1. A weak or sweaty hand shake
2. Won’t look ya in the eye when talking to you
3. Can’t stand still while holding a conversation
4. Ask a lot of questions about your “situation”
5. Dresses inappropriately for the situation/event
6. Seems to be looking for something around your “Place”, shifty eyes
7. Won’t leave when the “hint” is dropped for them to go
8. Always seems to be borrowing something, from tools to a cup of sugar
9. They seem to know everything about everything in a conversation
10. Won’t allow you to “put in your 2¢ worth”, aka won’t shut up and listen
11. They don’t like animals and animals DON’T like them, mainly Dogs
12. Always seem to show up exactly when you don’t want them there
13. Get caught in a lie and have 100 excuses as to “but, but, but”
14. Always want to go to lunch, yet never pick up the tab
15. Only bring over their “beer” when they come to visit
16. Borrow $$$$ and seem to take forever, if at all, to pay it back, even $10.oo
17. Don’t clean/wipe or remove their shoes when it’s muddy outside and come into the house, tracking in mud and dirt and don’t say a word.
18. Borrow a car/truck and bring it back empty and dirty/trashed
Could go on and on, but ya-all know the type.
There are a LOT of slimy people around, and sometimes it’s difficult to distance yourself from them without just all out selling out and moving.
Hummmmm; maybe that’s why I basically just don’t like people.
BUT!!!! I regress and will say, there are a LOT more good people around, just hard to separate them before it’s evident who the scoundrels are.
PS; DaisyK, don’t feel to bad, I got burned by someone I very much trusted to the tune of about 3-4 times your amount.
Another thing to add to your list, NRP:
19. Always offering to do things for you, but when you try to take them up on the offer, suddenly have some excuse whey they can’t help you THIS time. (But still take favors from you all the time.)
That was another “friend” from a long time ago. I had almost forgotten her.
DaisyK— I too had a “friend” like that, once.
What NRP said
-Their “story” / explanation for x y or z changes from time to time
And they forget who they lied to and what lies they told.
I read somewhere that a very high percentage of politicians and CEO’s have psychopathic tendencies.
I just read this: a fanatic is one who can’t change their mind and won’t change the subject.
Not quite what Ken is describing but good to look out for just the same.
PS. I just may be a fanatic when it comes to prepping. (Lol)
It is also interesting to note what people don’t say. A new fellow working in our small town town was visiting and I showed him around. When we were looking at the root cellar he had nothing to say or questions to ask. I figured his silence meant he was a city boy and, sure enough, he left for another job shortly after.
Stay frosty.
OMGosh!
The ex-wife.
It took me a few years, but I learned from that.
Beware of the narcsissist.
Reading people is a learned thing. Facial expressions, the way they talk, beefing themselves up with every sentence, because they are the good person. (Just ask them) that can do no wrong.
I met a once good friend of my son’s, a few years back. We all had lunch after hunting. And listening to this cockey jerk. I knew after that he was no good.
Come to find out, recently, he has cheated on his wife a couple times and is in the process of causing conflict in my son’s and Future dil’s relationship.
What the hell is wrong with people??
especially a covert narcissist
Okay, this is picky, but only 2% of the population are sociopaths, according to these statistics (four people out of two hundred). Yes, I have met a few. Unfortunately, often their kids seem to be the same way. Is it inherited or taught?
Actually it’s apparently about 4 out of 100 which is 4%. That said, you would have to start researching sociopaths to get further understanding as to the thoughts regarding cause…
Maybe only 4% are full-blown sociopaths but I’m willing to bet a significantly higher percentage of people exhibit sociopathy to some significant extent especially in certain circumstances or when interacting with certain people.
Wendy;
Thinking it actually 3 men and 1 women out of 100, not the way it’s written.
But tis all good friend.
Was laughing a bit, wonder what the % is for preppers??????
😁😎😁
That’s what I was going to say, but I don’t think it’s being picky. If you are going to use statistics to make a point, be sure you understand how they work.
When I was a young fella, I started reading Louis L’Amour westerns. He mentions in several of his books that 3 of 5 people you see in your daily life would become completely different if there weren’t the rule of law. From my sixty years of experience I would have to, unfortunately, pretty much agree with his viewpoint.
I personally have a better than average ‘trust meter’. I can’t say I catch them all, but I do pretty well. I can only pray it continues to work well if the world gets crazy. There’s a fair difference between being taken advantage of and being dead.
I’ve worked for that guy/gal.
We all occasionally make mistakes, do the wrong thing, hurt someone’s feelings. There’s lots of reasons for bad behavior, but no excuses. The inability to recognize that and apologize when someone is wronged I s a huge tell.
Also making mean spirited comments and then passing them off as jokes when called on it. Everyone I’ve ever met who said “can’t (they) take a joke?” has turned out to be rotten at the core.
Long ago when I lived back east the cops were catching lots of drugs being driven north. How? By stopping everyone for minor infractions like not signaling a lane change. Turns out that those who are big bad guys also don’t pay any attention to the little rules either.
Now a days, given that everything in the PNW is online, before I get too involved with someone, in any context, I run their name through the state court’s on-line database and also do a general internet search. Saved me from bad renters a number of times. Also run checks for friends who ask.
“In God we trust”, all others pay cash unless in credit. If you are going to lose a friend by saying no be sure to say it at the earliest opportunity and by so doing you will keep your losses to a minimum!
There are a number of bad people that pass themselves off as good by being church members. I found out the hard way.
Some of the best people you will ever meet are covered in tattoos and cuss like a sailor. Some of the dirtiest rotten people will wear a suit and tie to church on Sunday. I judge people by their actions not their appearance and what they say.
And when your young daughters get to the dating age…
watch out for the “boyfriend” that loooooves your daughter and would like you to co-sign a loan for his car or rent or whatever. :(
Your daughter can be very persuasive on his behalf.
Yes, we fell for it. Twice.
As parents it’s going to be your role to teach her how to spot these jerks. Need to warn her of them and hopefully she’ll listen and save herself the tears as well as protect yourself from their scams. Make him proooooove his “love” to her. You’ve got nothing to prove.
Gut. Your gut can literally be correct. If you have a sinking feeling or heighten reaction in your stomach take a minute and step back or look around or whatever the moment is. When it comes to sociopaths and narcissists maybe I’ll tell you some stories one day.
Paraphrasing an old saying; if you lose a friend because of money it’s probably money well spent.
I look at that and think, yeah it could be worse, they could still be your friend. You might lose more than money.
True words
Several have mentioned getting beat of money loaned to friends and family. I’ve got a policy of never “loaning” money to anyone I wouldn’t have given the money to with no strings attached. In my own mind, the money is a gift, with no real expectations of being repaid. If they do the right thing, I appreciate it, if they don’t, that’s on them, if they did in fact promise to repay.
I “loaned” several thousand dollars to my sister in law who was the sole support for her 15 year old grandson who was dying of cancer. Her only income was a social security check. She would ask if I could “loan” her a thousand or so, every month for two years, until the little feller finally succumbed. I had the money to spare, I knew she could never pay it back, I’ve never mentioned it to her. I consider the money invested better there than me buying some play pretty with it.
Dennis
well said and well done, respect
Dennis, you might say something about it to her. She sounds like someone who might be feeling guilty about her debt. Probably feel better about herself if you told her she didn’t need to worry about it.
me,
She knows.
I bought my perfect little house in a perfect little town years and years ago. I loved the scenery and my neighbors. Until… one day a wonderful neighbor had to sell and move. The buyer was definitely a sociopath. Started “making friends” with a couple of people and slowly turning a few of us into his enemies. He wanted to make changes to the town laws, etc. that would only benefit him. I openly disagreed with him at a town hall meeting and I became his target.
We finally gave up after several years of torment when one of the police officer’s for the town came to me quietly and told me the guy had told someone he was going to figure out a way to get our son in trouble. This police officer watched our son grow up and knew he was a really good kid. Anyway, this is a long story and my heart is hurting… we decided the house wasn’t worth it, screw it, and moved away. Left him to torture someone else. And he did. Those people ended up leaving as well.
We live in a nice place now and avoid getting to know anyone too well. Once burnt…
He gave me the heebie jeebies the first time I met him, and my dogs hated him!
One thing the guy liked to do was crush your hand during a hand shake. Dominance and pain.
Beach’n
Beach’n;
Had some mucho fool do the handshake thing to me once.
Notice I said once, broke his nose the next time he tried to grab my hand like that.
I know the feeling of needing to move. Getting that feeling around my little spot in paradise now…..
Three out of 100 men and 1 out of 100 women equals 4 out of 200 people, equals 2% of the population. That is if the proportion of men and women are considered even. It’s the average, not the total.
Upon checking again, I misquoted that figure on women. Of the various stats I found, the one I thought was for females is not the case. On closer inspection (internet searching) the general predominant numbers are ~3 out of 100 men and about 4% of the U.S. population as a whole. I can’t find specifics on women. Oh well… I knew one once, so I know there’s at least one out there. Come to think of it, nope, there’s at least two. One of my ex-bosses from a previous career.
Ken,
I caught that too, but I don’t suffer from narcissistic megalomania.
Whoops! Maybe just a little.
Wooptydoo
And a daisy for you!
Ken
Lol
Nope
at the least, three….I know of one, too.
Stats, polls, elections…..
Are the numbers actual?
Who cares.
We are amongst loonie -tunes.
Take a look around.
Joe c,
I’ve always said, we may all be crazy as bessie bugs, and just to stupid to realize it.
Well I guess I will let it out on this subject which also relates to an other comment by a regular.
Why do minorities push the limit??
I don’t care of your gender, race, religion, sexual preference,
But these types seem to think they have an overall upper hand.
You all believe you are Untouchables. Pathetic
“I have rights and I will push my limits to lie, cheat, steal, and I will sue, because I am a minority.”
Giving Ken shift because his numbers don’t comply to your expectations, on this article. Once again, Pathetic
For all of you that are of an attorney, accounting or numbers pickey mindset…..
I have read on the net, my muffler bearings need changed after 100,000 miles. My car has 186,000 should I have them checked out?? What should I do? Anybody with similar circumstances?
Of all the shift in this country, as you blindfold yourselfs, you piss away the real fight for this Country…..get a life.
Signed
(j)ust(o)acrack(e)r
Rant maybe recorded or monitored for future customer service……
Joe c;
Honestly, 9.9 on the Rant-O-Meter……
BTW dont forget to change out those seat-belt gaskets at 100k miles
Wow man
I tell ya….there is just those times.
Crap forgot about those gaskets too.
Thinking I’ll let the car hit 200,000 and change those bearing twice.
@tommy. I wonder if I can get reparations for growing up a Polock. I endured every polock joke and bullying as a kid. But that didn’t last long. Quoting Johnny Cash..Boy named Sue.
“I grew up quick, and I grew up mean. My fists got hard and my wits got keen!”.
I don’t remember any good polock jokes to this day. But I still remember a lot of bloody beat down comedians! Lookin’ back….I wouldn’t change a thing.😠
LIW
Reparations for all!
I have experienced a person flattering me too much, then asking for help of some kind. Of course, I was not aware it was excessive flattery at the time. I thought it was just heartfelt enthusiasm and gratitude. So, I helped, only later to find the clothes and shoes I bought for her children were for sale in an online yard sale. Was she a sociopath or just a very desperate woman? I don’t know.
Maybe druggie?
I work on a psych ward 40hrs a week. I do not trust anybody with possible exception of my wife, dog and 1/2 of my cats. When my mother said she loved me, I had my father check it out.
Within a psych hospital, I distrust the managers more than the patients.
Patients are expected to act crazy. When they do, they are doing their job.
In addition to sociopaths, beware of the psychopaths which are people that go out of their way to f#%& with you or the system. Combined, the sociopaths and a few psychopaths make up well over 5% of the population.
Sociopaths will take from you for material gain in order to get what you have. No guilt or remorse. The sociopath will injure you and rub salt in the wound because they like to see people suffer. ( it gets them off.). The psychopaths are the serial rapists/killers that collect souvenirs from their victims.
I have little use for either one in my life. I have relatives I have not talked to in years. I have to take care of psychopaths and sociopaths as my day-job within a locked facility.
If a known sociopath or psychopath were to show up on my front doorstep, I would shoot a load of buckshot through the door and call it self defense. These people are dangerous. I treat them as I do a venomous snake or a disease-ridden animal.
I have been suckered in the past. That is why I pass these warnings on to people now. ( especially the good people that read and contribute to this site.)
Working with the mentally ill can be financially very profitable as long as you remember that you are dealing with a steady diet of A$$-holes. Best advice I ever got was from 2 old beat cops:
The crap you see at work, do not ever bring it home. and the crap that happens in your home, do not bring it to work. Patients can tell when you are in a bad mood and your family will also pick up on it as well. Learn to keep the 2 lives separate.
Sociopaths lie a lot. Well, I do too. I tell my patients that my wife beats the s#!t out of me on a semi-daily basis and I portray myself as the ultimate hen-pecked husband. I choose to mix it up and have some fun. Humor is a great way to defuse a tense situation.
i learned a long time ago PAY ATTENTION TO THE CLUES your dog or cat gives you and pay attention TO YOUR GUT if something doesnt seem right TRUST IT many a time my GUT was right
The tool you use to discern the person in question is a good dog preferably a German dog . Shepherd , Rott , Doberman .
I have lived through some tragic happenings that have taught me that lesson .
I learned to trust that sense or gift whatever it is that a good family dog provides . I haven’t had not even one special teen Niece get raped , tortured , and mutilated since I learned this fact .
Also in the Christian Bible there is a supernatural gifting called discerning of Spirits . Study that and welcome the Gifts of the Holy Spirit . The only way we can be protected is supernaturally by Him !
Great points all. I have had several interactions over time with the Sociopath’s and narcissist in this life.
Had I listened to the voice in my head which said… Something is wrong here, and run, I would be much better off.
Instead I pressed on attempting to “fix” them rather than understanding and doing 2 things.
As John Wayne said, “You can’t fix stupid” … or socio’s and path’s and narc’s.
And as Jenny said, “Run Forest Run”!
I now am rebuilding from decimating my finances and mental resilience.
I learned the hard way also. but I learned. Socio’s and narcissists have no respect for others boundaries. None. Rebuild yourself, move on, and learn so you can help others. Thanks for a great article.
Given the apparent number of them out there, I’ll bet many who have interacted with them may have learned the hard way. ;) Glad you enjoyed the article.
I don’t have another way to see if someone is bad. I would like to add-BE AWARE OF FAMILY MEMBERS. Our (no longer) daughter did a number on us. She visited us all happy and friendly. She would stay at home if we had a meeting and during that time she went through everything we had and stole over 100 items. I believe she qualifies. A lot of these comments sure hit home for me. BE AWARE OF FAMILY.
Just for clarity sake, whoever posted this comment using “Dennis” as their tag, is not the Dennis who y’all are familiar with.
Don’t know if it’s a newcomer, a one-timer, or a prankster. While I don’t disagree with the post, I have not given up on our daughter, or likely ever will.
Dennis
Thanks for clarifying, dude.👍
Trust your intuition. Your brain can sense things better then we realize. If in first few mins you sense this person is dangerous… then assume that they are.
I’ve had some co-workers I’d recognized as sociopathic. It’s difficult to separate truth from fiction with them since they can slip between the two effortlessly. They seem like confident, capable people, but the confidence is false and capability is often lacking. They are great at enlisting help but then they attempt to manipulate their helpers. I don’t know how dangerous these people were, never got into it with any of them. But I didn’t put up with their BS, either. When they realize you won’t tolerate being manipulated they look for an easier mark.
One individual had a fairly good handle on his situation and explained to me that his “… give a f*
was broke.” That pretty much sums up a sociopath.
I do not trust an unknown person about a known dog, but I do trust a known dog about about an unknown person. But then I was a US Army dog handler in 1968/9/70, and I learned “dog-speak” well, both verbal and non-verbal, nose-sense, sight, thought and humor!. I suppose there might be dogs that lie, but, generally speaking, the bigger the dog, the more honest.
Concerning what is true: trust God, your gut AND/OR your dog, your sober and careful thinking, strangers, your new friends and politicians; and in that order! About blood relatives, spouses, and in-laws: you’ve known some forever and some hardly at all. Let their past history AND its duration be your guide.
trust politicians? never
in-laws? maybe some like my FIL, some never, the wounds in my back are still healing from the MIL from hell