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Your Stories Of Encounters With Common-Sense-Challenged People

lacking-common-sense

Lets have some fun today. I know you all have stories about this subject. Your encounters with those who are ‘common-sense challenged’. Those who may exhibit higher than usual episodes lacking common sense.

Hey, we all make / made mistakes! That’s how we learn! However there are those among us who don’t seem to (learn)…

There are plenty of common-sense-challenged people out there these days. I dare to say that this tribe has been on the increase year after year. One wonders the actual percentage. These people would likely never make it following SHTF ;)

I put this out for discussion 5 years ago. Here are a number of excerpts from MSB commenters back then. Enjoy reading the stories!

Add your own encounters with the common-sense-challenged below.

[ Read: How Will People React After The Crash Of The Great Reset? ]

Common-Sense-Challenged Stories

Our power went out today. All of the neighbors were outside because it was 5:00 pm and completely unexpected. I was talking to the neighbors and one said, “Oh my gosh, I can’t leave my house. My garage door is open and the power is off. I can’t go anywhere with my garage door open.”

I looked at her, a bit baffled, and trying really hard not to judge, and said, “You know you can manually close the garage door, right?”

The response, “Huh?” As nice as this lady is, she is a clear snapshot of the stupidity of people. The overall lack of common sense of the every day joe. The whoa-is-me / helpless mentality in our communities.

I know of a woman that for years had to walk through a dark basement parking ramp to get to her car and said over and over again how she wished she had remote start. After she retired and traded it in the salesman looked at her key-chain and said “oh, you’ve got remote start”.

At a local Stop-N-Rob convenience store I witnessed a woman driving S-L-O-W-L-Y around every island of pumps. She would stop, get out, then jump back into her car, speed out around the pumps and do the same thing at the next island.

I heard giggling behind me. Two store employees told me they had a bet, as to how many times she would drive around the pump islands BEFORE she realized that her gas tank opening was on the other side of her car.

Finally, I walked out and stopped her. She got out of her car, and asked me why I stopped her. I told her to back up and pull to the opposite side of the pump island she was at, and her tank and gas pump handle would magically be on the same side. So, she backed up, and drove around the island again, stopping on the same side I was. I gave up and left.

At work about to hoist some HVAC parts up on to a roof. Send good ‘ol Jay up the ladder with a rope. Wait for him to get in position and from below I yelled “OK Jay, go ahead and throw the rope down”….. Boom….. The rope hits the ground still as neatly coiled as when he took it up the ladder.

I stopped to help a family stranded with a flat tire. The dad couldn’t figure out why the jack wouldn’t lift the car. He had the jack on the rear quarter panel. It had crushed the bottom part up about 6 inches. I explained the jack had to be on the frame or axle and changed his tire. He was 40 and I was 20 (at the time).

I learned about people when I started working as an auto mechanic. The vice principal of my old high school brought in his car because the windshield washers was not working. We checked it out and found the washer jug was empty. My boss asked him if he ever put washer fluid in the jug. The VP said that he thought it was self filling whenever it rains. From that point on, people never cease to amaze me.

Back when I had the boat, I came back to the launch after a day of fishing. I pulled up to the dock and tied up. I walked past five men trying to get their boat loaded. Got my truck and trailer, backed in and loaded my boat and pulled out. All the while watching these five guys, who are all in the water trying to get their boat on the trailer.

I could not take it anymore, so I stopped and got out of the truck. Walked over to them and suggested that if they actually backed the trailer into the water, it may be easier for them to “float” the boat onto the trailer. I then left them to figure out their dilemma.

I use to have a small outdoor/backpacking store in a town in northern Michigan. Lake Michigan was only a couple hundred yards from the store. More than once I had people ask me what lake that was….

A seventeen year-old waitress takes our order. The wife says, I’ll have a Country-fried steak.” And I said, “I’ll have the same.” She looks a little puzzled, then retreats to the kitchen. About 20 minutes later, she brings us one order, and two forks, and says, “Are you sure that’s all you want??”

I was visiting a neighbor and noticed that a very large pine tree, very near their house, was rotting near the bottom. I mentioned it to her and suggested they should probably take it down, especially since we’re entering hurricane season. She said that she had a tree guy take a look at it, but he wanted to charge her $300.00 to take it down, and she couldn’t afford it right now.

They just got a new truck today.

I worked for a large company that had a bunch of small branches and I was doing some work remotely. I needed to reboot a (Ethernet) switch that I lost connectivity to. The problem was it was racked high up on a wall and it was hard to get to. So I asked the local staff (one of which was a senior VP), to just unplug the UPS (Uninterruptible Power Supply) from the wall and the battery would last about 10 minutes before everything would shut down.

Well it took a little longer and the VP asked how he could make it drain faster. So I told him to hold the cable upside down and shake it. It would drain the electrons faster. He did it for about 10 minutest. I had to mute the phone I was laughing so hard.

I also had the president’s secretary call me one time from the airport. She was complaining about not getting a cell signal. I told her she had to hold the phone over head and spin it around counter clock wise. She did it for about a minute and then came back and said it didn’t help. So I asked her what carrier she had. She said ATT. I said I’m sorry I was wrong, Att need to spin clock wise. She did it again and came back and said she would just send me the phone back and I could send her one that worked.

I just wish I could have seen the faces of other people in the airport as she was doing it

Okay, your turn!

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81 Comments

  1. Our brother-in-law came over one day and complained he was having vehicle problems. He had purchased a new van some time ago and it now had 65,000 miles on it. He asked my DH what he thought it might be. DH asked him several questions including “when did you change the oil last?”. Brother-in-laws response, “You mean you have to change the oil?” Yup he blew his engine.

    1. Peanut – I’ve got a warehouse full of brand new lawnmowers with the con-rod punched clean through the crankcase. Idiots with credit cards, and perhaps no father buy these things and manage to rip off the tear resistant, four color warning tag, imploring them to add oil. They just gas it up and let ‘er rip. Then they bring it back to the retailer, shouting about “import crap”, waving their rights around and demanding full refund. Whatever. We just take the fallout percentage and bake it in to next years pricing structure. A vicious cycle for the American consumer – and their ‘rights’.

    2. My girlfriend drives a lot of miles commuting to work and that so she’s always late changing her oil. So whenever some snarky oil-change guy asks her when was the last time she changed the oil she always replies the same; “You mean you have to change the oil”!

  2. Years ago when it became possible to choose our own telephone carrier, I was working at a retail store and got numerous telephone calls from alternate carriers soliciting our business.

    I started saying, “I’m sorry we don’t have a telephone here.”

    Not one person noticed that I was not telling the truth. They just said they were sorry to bother me and hung up.

    1. Not on the same level, but one lady with dementia keeps calling me when she can’t find her phone…

  3. these anti gun turds come to mind right off the top anyone thats been around for any length of time knows PEOPLE are the problem and NOT what they use i was taught weapon safety 55 years ago by my uncle my dads younger brother fresh from the USMC i still remember those rules to the letter and he also taught me that THE single most dangerous weapon in the entire world is the HUMAN MIND but oh god DO NOT tell that to a anti gun nut or say put ANY kind of gun on a table and it will do nothing UNTIL A HUMAN PICKS IT UP they start swearing and name calling and coming up with bullshit excuses

    1. I have a friend that is anti-gun. Yes I can be friends with idiots. He told me that they are only trying to take the guns that kill people. I said “great my AR is safe because it has never shot anyone”.

      1. Hmm, I guess that includes my AR, all it has ever shot was tin cans, pop cans, paper targets and ( and with the .22 adapter )helped more than on ground squirrel run faster

  4. Our friend had remote starter installed in his wife’s car for Christmas. She is a lovely lady but every blond jokes fits her perfectly. We told her that when she left
    work and used the remote to be careful that no one in the area was using a cardiac pace maker. You guessed it. Every day for over a month she announced
    to every one in the store that she was starting the car. On the loud speaker!!!

  5. I did not witness the conversation between a neighbor and a well service company crew, but I see the end result. They convince him that running a snake through his waterline from the house to the well and extending the well casing upward, would improve the well/ pump performance. So, now they have a well casing that sticks up 3 feet above the ground. All at a cost of $800.

  6. A lady from church was on her way to work but didn’t realize she had a flat tire. She drove by the house of another family from church and the man noticed the awful racket the tire was making. By the time he got her stopped, the tire was torn to shreds. When her husband arrived and looked at it, his first question was, “Do you think we’ll need a new one?”

    When I was in college, I walked by a group of sorority girls setting up one of those 10×10 canopies. They had the frame all setup and were trying to throw the cover over the top. I walked up and asked if they would like some help. Their faces lit up. Here was a tall guy offering to help. I suggested they lower the legs, put the top on and then raise the legs. The disappointment and embarrassment on their faces were priceless.

  7. Was training a new mechanic for our packaging lines, had some stopped up vacuum lines with product that spilled from hopper night before. Told him to go upstais and get a bucket of steam to clean the lines with. He went, came back bucket was empty told him to go back and put a lid on it, this was hard to do with a straight but serious face. Needless to say he didn’t last very long.

    1. Wonder if this is same story or is this a common routine. My hubby’s story comes from NW Illinois.

      1. Common routine , I have been in Maintenance for over 35 years, the pranks go all around, even when I have traveled to Europe for training on new machines, it has been tried on me there. Ask your husband if he has heard of wooden welding rods. :)

        1. We have a key cutting machine in our parts dept. I have sent new hires to the hardware store to get a brass magnet to clean off the shavings.

  8. Anyone who thinks that the Divided States of America will be a better place to live under BLM/Antifa rule!

    Heck, the Marxist have only murdered 100+ million citizens in various Nations who weren’t “woke”

    1. Seminole,wind
      is why i am walking away from one of my jobs,
      anyone dumb enough to be orange man bad and he should be shot, is not worth working for.
      i would rather just make due with less

  9. Most of the common-sense challenged people I know seem to have (or are trying to get) advanced degrees.

    1. Lauren

      It is a condition of not wanting to leave the cocoon of academia. And a condition of not wanting to get into the real world to compete and produce. Hmmmm, maybe too broad a brush because some researchers actually do good work in university settings.

      1. One of the best University teachers I ever had left to teach at a high school. She loved teaching, and she was GOOD but she hadn’t published enough. The system rewards the moochers.

  10. One boss handed me a letter to transcribe. I typed it out, corrected his atrocious spelling, punctuation, and grammar, put my initials at the bottom as per standard practice. He went through it, corrected all his spelling, grammar and punctuation back to what he had given me, and handed it back. I did as he expected, took my initials off and let him send it out. I hope whoever he was sending it to had the gift of tongues.

  11. My husband ran a maintenance department at a factory. They hired a college graduate and on his 1st day, one of the older guys tasked with training asked him to go to the boiler and get a bucket of steam. So the new worker eagerly grabbed a bucket and headed for the boiler. Waiting nearby was another seasoned worker who helped him open a valve to let steam in the bucket. New worker heads back to maintenance and of course the steam disappears on the way. The 1st older worker who asked for the steam said “You should probably put something over the bucket to keep it in.” New worker finds a board and heads back to the boiler. Repeating the process, the steam is again gone when new worker returns with the bucket. 1st older worker says “You need to be faster.” And the new worker turns to go back to the boiler when he sees my husband doubled over laughing behind his desk. The new worker said some choice words I am told to which the older worker said welcome aboard extending his hand. So whenever we work with book smart no experience hires, we ask if they’d go fetch a bucket of steam meaning do they have any sense and are they eager to do a good job? Both are great but even eagerness is a good sign.

  12. Way back when I was in High School (I did say it was way back.), I had a summer job in an office,working in the mail room. The guys I worked with were always pulling jokes on people.
    One day, one of them said to me “Watch this one.” A good looking blonde Secretary was working across the hall at the time, visible to us. This guy called her on the phone at her desk. When she picked it up, he said “Hello Maam, this is the phone company working on your phone line. I have to blow your telephone line to clear it, so please stand away from the phone for the next few minutes just in case it explodes. I’ll call you back when I’m done. She actually stood up and walked out into the hall. We exploded with laughter, and she looked at us for a few seconds before she realized what what going on. Boy – was she mad !

  13. I was out doing mid-week trail maintenance when a group of four middle-age city dweller women out for a day hike walked up. I moved out of their way and said “good morning” and not one replied and two sort of gave a snarky huff as if saying hello was a bother. Late in the afternoon I got back to the trailhead and was loading my tools when one of the now being polite, friendly smiling women came over and said that their SUV battery was dead, they didn’t have cell service and asked if I had jumper cables.

    I told her yes and she excitedly ran back and told the others. I finished loading and started to drive out when she ran back over and said “I thought you were going to help us.” I told her I said I had jumper cables but I never said I would help you and maybe next time you can try being polite NOT just when you need something. Her jaw hit the ground as I drove off and left them alone in the woods about 6 miles from the nearest paved road.

    They are a fine example of city dwellers who come up here and think they are better than mountain folks until they need something. Hopefully they spent the night scared, hungry and miserable and will never come back.

    1. Excellent RC!
      instant Karma,
      treat people like you would like to be treated,,,
      it is amazing how many impolite, self centered azzholes there are out there

    2. “Hopefully they spent the night scared, hungry and miserable “
      You had an excellent chance to change their attitude with compassion and forgiveness and instead reacted in a petty, vindictive way.
      
      smfh

        1. RC – please don’t tribalize this. Inconsiderate and stupid people come in all creeds, colors and ideologies…in fact, isn’t that kind of the point of the whole article ? <bb

      1. Why yes, yes i do
        hey, they want equal rights, they can have equal responsibility for their own actions

      2. HRT ,,,,,,,,,,,,boy oh boy I’ve got one for you ,,years ago I flew for a air taxi service in Alaska part-time ,some Sierra club folks wanted a wilderness experience ,sooo I gave them one ,instead of dropping them off at a nice cozy forest service cabin on a picturesque lake I dropped them off at a old abandon cabin on a mosquito infested lake ,7 miles away ,,then I left and went up on the north slope ,took state troopers two weeks to find me so to find where I left them ,on little Martin lake ,,, not big Martin lake ,,,they all survived ,still laff about that,,,,

        And nailbanger and RCare welcome at my camp fire

      3. In my experience there’s about a 20 percent chance that helping them out would have changed their attitude. I never expect reciprocal kindness or appreciation from anyone I help, but I often do it anyway.

  14. About six years ago I was working at a huge fab shop in the Detroit are when they experienced one of those one-hundred-year rains; absolute torrential downpour that sat over the city for three hours. The shop soon flooded, the manhole covers inside the shop from the cities drain system were hovering three feet in mid air as the sewers were filling and exhausting air. I couldn’t believe they didn’t flop over but they just kept hovering. Everyone was leaving to try and get home. Meanwhile the head honcho in the office, the head of the company that is, gathers four guys to head over to the local Walmart store to buy up all the rubber boots he could find in hopes that the second shift could work through the night getting the flooded shop ready for the next day. This is one of the guys in car told me the next day: He said, when they made it to the store, the entire parking lot was under water, everyone had left. He said not only was it obvious they were closed but they could have easily driven around lake to get to the front of the store. What did the star do? He sat and looked around for a good 10 seconds and then gunned the car straight into “lake”. After about thirty yards the car shut down. The guy told me they were like a torpedo, couldn’t see nothing with the water rushing over the windshield. He said he braced against the dashboard fearing they would hit one of the light-poles. He said when they opened the doors to get out it was like sitting in a swimming pool. I laughed and still laugh so hard sometimes I think I’m gonna puke. Whenever our commander-in-chief told the story he said, “I had it backwards, I thought you were supposed to keep the water out of the exhaust pipe, not the air intake”. I referred to him from that day forward as Torpedo Man. Five other guys lost their vehicles that day trying to get home.

  15. I may have posted this before but its worth doing again.

    Several years ago, Atlanta Ga. Medical college just down the road.
    Summer break and three girls from school come in to rent a U Haul trailer.

    They are chatting away as I hook the thing up to their truck.
    I asked them why they were so excited.

    They were going to Europe for two weeks.

    I asked where and they said they were spending a week going all across France and then to Italy.

    So where in Italy I asked them.
    We are going all over one said, we are looking for the sixteen chapels the Pope
    preaches at.

    I sent that one in to Readers Digest.

  16. I’m doing finish carpentry on a high end custom home in Vegas.
    The owner shows up with his newly acquired blond bimbette trophy wife. The owner is talking with the architect so she saunters over to where I’m working.
    “Are you a carpenter?”
    “No maam,I’m actually a doctor. I’m doing this cuz I need the money.”
    (cue the deer caught in the headlights look.)
    “oooh,I thought doctors made really good money.”
    Just then the owner calls her back over.
    “Good luck Doctor!”
    The old electrician next to me almost soiled himself trying to contain his laughter…

  17. I buy on Amazon and from time to time get an email to answer a question about a product. 8 times out of 10 the answer is on the product seller page in the descriptions. Or in the photos of the backs and fronts of the product.

  18. From one of my father in laws. He sold real estate,,, Couple from the city looking at land in the country. Old abandon tenant house in the field sitting with broken windows. Wife,, why are all of those windows broken? Realtor,, the bush hog did it. Wife,,, ooooooh do they get big around here?

  19. Was re-roofing house, my job was to haul shingle bundles to my friends installing the roof, i was out of shape, so hired a local country hick to do my job. He brought 5 friends, they didn’t know what to do, so 4 took positions on the ladder, and one on the ground who hand it to person 2 who would hand it to person 3 etc, it was commical, they got it done, but piled all the bundles on one spot which was less than idea.

  20. 2018 – American consumers: “you people sell cheap crap made in a foreign country – you don’t even test them!” —
    .
    2018 – Year end shutdown, we institute 100% testing, all units. —-
    .
    2019 – American consumers: “you people sold me second hand, used equipment! I can smell gas and see oil was in it!”

  21. Don’t know if I can get it right.
    I had a hard labor job years ago installing/removing heavy wood piers for hundreds of people living on the shore.
    Steve,great guy started complaining to the new guys about needing to get the job done and we might have to work late, one of the new guys asked how we would see when the sun went down.
    Steve was waiting for this, he spoke up that we’ll just have to pull out the lights.
    Kid said there was no power where we were working, Steve says well they’re sap lights.
    Kid: what?
    Steve: sap lights you just plug them into the trees.

    Everyone got quite for a while, they were thinking about it.
    Steve was trying to keep a serious face.

    was over 20 years ago.

    1. You have to be careful with those currant bushes, though. You can start forest fires if you hook them up wrong. : )

        1. Oh, a young lady when I was a teenager introduced me to that one. She brought her curling iron and blow drier to camp, and then couldn’t find a currant bush.

  22. Worked in parts store for years. The best was a guy came in for wiper blades for his 1984 goole(ghoulie). I said they never made a goole. It’s right out front a 1984. I go look 1984 Pontiac 6000le. Almost as good as the 710 cap. You know the 710 cap on top of the engine. OIL

    1. I work in auto parts now. I often wonder who tie’s some people’s shoe’s in the morning.
      I had a kid come in to get brakes and tune up stuff for his dad. I told him for a tune up he only needed spark plugs. He informed me his dad told him the car didn’t have spark plugs because it was fuel injection.

      I just looked at him and said don’t let your dad do the brakes

  23. Maybe some people have not had a lot of life experiences or family to teach them and they trust the people around them to be truthful?

  24. I think that a lot of times what some of us call “common sense” is really a matter of life experiences. For instance, when I was little, my grandfather told me that more than one moose was called “meese,” like goose/geese. When my teacher corrected me at school and I told her my grandfather told me that, she said, “Well, I guess if my grandfather had told me that, I would’ve believed him, too.” If you’re never taught something, how are you supposed to know? If you’ve never heard of a bush hog, for instance, it’s easy to wonder how big they “grow.” Funny for those of us who have been exposed to them, though!

    On the other hand, some things truly are a matter of not having common sense; what many of us call “blonde moments.” I’m not a blonde, but I’ll admit I’ve had some (many?) of those myself; I just don’t want to expose myself to ridicule to the world by sharing them here! (I hope that none of you blondes or blonds get offended by this. My friends who are blondes know more blonde jokes than I do and share them willingly.)

    1. So where do all the blond jokes come from? Brunettes sitting around on a Saturday night. (I’m technically a redhead, so I can tease both).

  25. When I enlisted in the Air Force many moons ago, I was in basic training with two women who actually shed tears when they found out they were going to have to shoot M16s. They were from New York state and they had no idea that the Air Force had to train on weapons. I don’t even think they knew the Air Force was a branch of the military. I’m not sure how anyone could be that ignorant, but they do exist.

  26. Common sense deficiency.
    I’m so immune to it at the workplace….I can’t recall any good ones.
    This boy is numb to it.

    Covid shut down…the higher ups take over our receiving jobs. I confront the manager of our department upon our back to work call.
    You and your elite crew did not follow protocol in this manner on one, two, three examples.
    The same protocol YOU continuously ride our ass on. YOU, MANAGER, have continuously failed, within these nine weeks.

    A few procedures have been changed since that pointing fingers episode.

    If it’s on a trailer, I unload it.

    Packaging coordinator:
    Hey, we don’t need that material. Haul it down to the recycle trailer….to the other end of the shop.
    I’m unloading unnecessary product? Why don’t you pick up the damn phone and tell them to quit sending this $hit every week?
    I unload, it will be your responsibility to take care of…PROPERLY. I needlessly work, you will also, when a simple phone call on your end, will suffice.

    Duhh, ok. I see what you’re saying.

    Really? But are you hearing it?

    Joe, do you have a calculator?

    Yes.

    What’s 10,800 plus 130?

    Ahh, 10,930?

    Are you sure? You didn’t even use that calculator.

    And you’re in supervision.
    OF WHAT? PRODUCTION CONTROL, where doing math matters.

    I’ll never get promoted.

  27. 45 years ago, a young lady thought she knew how to use a pressure cooker. She loaded the pot with broccoli, secured the lid and regulator, and cooked it for TWENTY minutes. Next she removed the regulator to release the steam. The steam stopped abruptly (it had become plugged by broccoli). Thinking it was safe to open the lid, she pulled the handles apart and the entire batch of green mush shot directly upward. Most of the broccoli stuck to the ceiling and to the underside of the ceiling fan leaving the perfect white outline of fan blades. The newly green flocked ceiling was still steaming when her mom and dad walked in the door. Needless to say they were speechless.

    I’ve learned to properly use a pressure cooker since then and I appreciate the safety features on more modern pressure cookers and canners. 😉

    1. I was cooking beets and at the end of the time I turned off the heat and took off the weight and left the room. Came back minutes later and my white ceiling was pink.

  28. One of my jobs in maintenance a number of years ago was to over see re-lighting of the entire factory. Florescent lights back then. A young worker came up and asked why I was changing the perfectly good lights too? Couldn’t help but tell him, “you see how all these lights have black at the very end.” He says yea! “Well a little known secret is these type of lights don’t give off light like everybody thinks, ya know they really absorb darkness, and when the ends are black like that their full . . .”

    He says, oh I never knew, and when on about his day!

    . . .Someday I share about the smart engineering grads I worked with over the years . . .

  29. BC and AD have been replaced with BCE and CE. I was asked how long ago Jesus lived. Two thousand and twenty years ago. Oh.

  30. -Stationed in Hohenfels, Germany, years ago. I spent the night as Staff Duty NCO, answering phones, radios and dealing in general with whatever came up that I could tend to and not wake the Colonel.

    New 2nd Lieutenant comes in, just arrived, he tells me his Captain sent him over to pick up the Company’s train tickets for the rail movement later in the day. (The rail movement is done by a contract, no ‘tickets’ involved)

    “Sir, I don’t have those, you might check with the Battalion Supply Officer, I believe he is at breakfast in the Mess Hall right now. Lieutenant leaves happily for the Mess Hall.

    I continue with my other business for the morning.

    1030 hrs. (half past ten in the morning), a First Lieutenant shows up with the previous one in tow. “Sergeant, Lieutenant So and So was given a mission to pick up his unit’s tickets for the rail movement later today. So far, he has talked with (lists every major section in the Battalion individually, along with every major functionary in the same unit) and still has been unable to find those tickets. Would it be possible to speak with the Colonel?” Sir, the Colonel was here a few minutes ago. I believe he is in the latrine right now, shaving. If you hurry, you may be able to catch him” “Thank you very much.”

    Noon, here comes my two lieutenants again, starting to look a little frazzled and anxious. “Sergeant, we are getting a little bit desperate here. Would you have any idea where those tickets might be” Just a moment. Have you talked with (repeating the same list as before). Yes? Just a moment.”

    The Sergeant Major walks in. “Sergeant Major, these are lieutenants So and So and Such and Such, from our company B. They are looking for the train tickets for the company for our Rail move today” Repeat the list, now from the Sergeant Major.

    Just then the Colonel walks in, with the Captain of B Company. Sergeant Major says to the Colonel, “Sir, do you want to tell them or shall I?” The Colonel says, “Hmm, no, I think Captai

    1. Just then the Colonel walks in, with the Captain of B Company. Sergeant Major says to the Colonel, “Sir, do you want to tell them or shall I?” The Colonel says, “Hmm, no, I think Captain B should probably be the one.” The Captain smiles and says, “No, there are no tickets. Just one piece of paper for the whole Battalion. On the bright side, you have now met and introduced yourselves to everyone in the Battalion you should know and know what they do. More to the point, they know you. Get yourselves to your duty station.

      Two lieutenants slink out of Battalion headquarters, faces red and glowing with their proverbial tails between their legs.

      -Papa S.

  31. When I was a kid parents didn’t care what we did, we just ran wild. 6 of us went on a High School campout, we weren’t Boy Scouts because we didn’t need grownups spoiling the fun or trying to have sex with us, we found an old fallen down barn in the woods and decided to have a big bonfire since it was November. We pyramided that wood up into a 6 foot high stack and I doused it with most of a gallon of Coleman fuel. Now that old Coleman fuel was called white gas for some reason I didn’t know, it was cold enough that all the vapor from that fuel pooled on the ground around us like a cloud of white fog, but drunk teenage boys are the definition of no common sense, I flicked a flaming wooden match onto the woodpile and it exploded everywhere, we fell back in a hurry stamping our boots cause they were on fire and just laughing and having the best time ever until we realized we had burned up all our camping gear on a cold night. So we slept in our cars, and it was miserable. One guy in the front seat, one in the back, one in the trunk. Word to the wise, don’t sleep in the trunk cause your friends will invariably slam the lid shut on you first thing in the morning and enhance your hangover by pounding on the lid…

  32. Considering where i work at, I will refrain from mentioning any stories. I work in a locked facility for people that have been removed from society and had their car keys and weapons removed from them in admissions. They have been deemed crazy by the courts.

  33. After Hurricane Sandy was over… the power was out for 12 days. When power was restored the folks that had small propane bottles were throwing them out or giving them away… (Guess who got them..? They were usually full)

  34. Yup Cranial defecation is a real disease ! We have all encountered it- highly prevalent in our country…
    I’m planning to start a non profit organization to help eradicate this scourge on humanity ,one day….

  35. – I suppose I should have just told about newly arrived soldiers who would get sent to Supply or Commo section for a bottle of squelch oil for noisy radios, or sent in search of a box of grid squares.

    Of course, then I would have to mention the ‘retread’ who was sent after a box of grid squares.

    He went to S-2 Intelligence, got a copy of a common area map, and borrowed a paper knife. (Those big cutters you use for really big cutting jobs.)

    He cut the map up along the lines for the grid squares; about half-inch squares. He put the squares of paper in an empty kitchen match box. turned the box over and labeled it, “This side up” on the bottom. Then he returned it to his would-be tormentor.

    He handed the box over, his puzzled supervisor looked at it, and opened the box, dumping the paper squares all over his lap. Totally worth it, was what I was later told.

    – Papa S.

  36. True story back in the early 80s there used to be a talk show on WLS in Chicago in one show they asked people to call in with stupid things they had done…..one caller told the story about his wife had bought him a motorcycle for Xmas and put it by the tree in the living room, the man in his pajamas on Xmas morning decided to sit on the cycle and play with it…..he accidentally hit start button and the bike hit the wall and gas tank leaked gas on the floor….so he wiped it up with a towel and dumped the gas in the toilet….he was very upset and sat on the thrown and lit a cigarette throwing the match in the toilet which blew apart and injured him….he was taken by ambulance to the hospital and admitted for burns and shrapnel to his posterior. The next caller mentioned that they had a large amount on snow which had built up on the roof of the house from a large snow storm on Xmas eve…..he decided to put up a ladder on the back of the house in order to work up on the roof but was concerned with falling off…so he threw a rope over the top of the roof and tied one end to the bumper of his car parked in the front driveway and the other end around his waist. Soooo a while later his wife decided to go shopping and came out got in the car and drove out of the driveway dragging him over top the roof and he landed in the driveway breaking his legs and arm….the caller told the radio host by the way the first caller with the motorcycle accident, I can vouch for his story as he is my room mate in the hospital. I have never forgot that broadcast…..stupid is as stupid does.

    1. John in nevada – Larry Lujack or Steve Dahl? I lived in Chicago back then – seem to remember that show. “Eighty-nine, – WLS – Chic-a-go!” Good times.

  37. – One more, this one from a very long time ago. Waiting for Clinical Specialist school to come through, I was assigned as the EKG tech for the Internal Medicine Clinic.

    I ran EKG’s eight hours a day, five days a week, working in Coronary Care, Newborn Nursery, Flight Physicals and Medical intensive Care.

    I even ran the ones in the Emergency Room, if you came in with chest pain during Duty hours. We had one Cardiologist who read them all, and I ran as many as possible of them for him.
     
    I had a Red Cross Gray Lady chaperone available, if I had a female patient. Actually, I was always very careful not to embarrass/expose any of my lady patients.

    I guess I had a little bit of devilment in me though. I had one very nervous fellow getting his first EKG, asking lots of questions.

    “You do a lot of these?” I explained that yes, I did. Old folks, newborns, everything in between. “Women too?” Yes, women too. A heart is a heart. “What about the, ahh, obvious differences?”

    “Well, every job has it benefits!”

    He laughed, settled down and I got another EKG done.

    – Papa S.

  38. Here’s a good one, from today. USA Today put their fact-checker team on an article published by the Babylon Bee. The article claimed that the 9th circuit court of appeals had overturned Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s death. If you’ve read the Bee, you know it’s just like the Onion – humorous stuff that’s obviously made up.

    From USA Today’s fact checkers, I kid you not:

    “There is no record of any Wardlaw opinion on Ginsburg’s death on the website for the 9th Circuit, but she participated in a panel discussion Friday about Ginsburg’s life produced by the UCLA School of Law. There was no mention of “reviving” Ginsburg during the discussion.”

    Nope. Can’t fix stupid.

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