How To Make Your Own Toilet Paper | It’s A Survival Skill!

ByKen J. Last Update
68 Comments
One package of toilet paper on shelves.

There’s a toilet paper shortage! Unless you’ve been living under a rock the past month, many have been affected by not having stocked up enough toilet paper.

Well fear not! Here’s one solution to your problem!

Submitted by MSB regular, ” Livin’ in the Woods “…

A picture is worth a thousand words, so, here ya go…

“Since there seems to be paper towels available more than Toilet Paper. I took 1 roll of cheap paper towels. 1 thrift store electric knife. And made 4 rolls of 120 grit Toilet Paper.”

It’s practical, sensible right? One might say it’s an acquired survival skill? :D

Disclaimer #1: Do not attempt without adult supervision.
Disclaimer #2: You do know this is a joke, right?
Disclaimer #3: Shouldn’t flush paper towels.

MSB regular, ” NRP”, and his TP storage:

I sent a team out to NRP’s location near the “four corners” New Mexico. While he left the premises to go to search for even more TP, the team entered and captured the following photo:

(If the governor of Michigan saw this, NRP would be rounded up post haste, and charged with domestic hoarding crimes against humanity – never to be heard from again…)

Here’s his backup plan:

For when toilet paper runs out

🙄

[ Read: Sustainable Toilet Paper? ]

[ Read: Toilet Paper | Everything You Wanted To Know ]

[ Read: How Many Rolls of Toilet Paper Do You Use Every Week? ]

68 Comments

  3. Ha!
    That womans face is almost as disconcerting as HRC Way ta go Ken!
    😎🤙🏻

  4. The picture of NRP’s bathroom is missing a ladder to get to the top levels. Can’t pull from the bottom or you’d upset the … apple cart.

      1. We can’t forget the insulating value of all that TP. The toilet room is most likely the warmest room in the house. Hehe

  6. A good idea to create T P in tough times. I would not use it if you have a septic tank/drain system .Paper towels will not disintegrate like TP and you will have some clogging problems. In many countries you will see a paper bag near the toilet to discard paper into .

  7. I was inspired to develop this tp hack after turning on the radio in the shop to an oldies rock n roll station. Then the song Wipe Out came on, and made me wonder why the fake news never tells you how many people are being affected by ” Krusty Butt Syndrome.”
    So I felt I had to do something. After extensive research and development.
    ( About 73 seconds ) This is what I came up with. After all necessity is the Mother of Invention.😎

    1. Was this research project peer reviewed? Do you have a patent pending on this complex process? I don’t want to infringe on any patents and have my butt handed to me (pun intended). Hehe

      1. @ INPrepper. Nope. No patent. You bring up a good point on peer reviews.
        Tomorrow morning I will use the 120 grit TP. Then ask my wife to peer at my butt to make sure I was able to WipeOut my Krusty Butt Syndrome.
        Now, more on the Krusty Butt Syndrome. And this is a biggie folks.
        They recommend to not touch your nose, mouth or eyes. They blame it on shopping carts, coughs/sneezes, etc. I call BS. Its because of the KBS. With the TP shortage, it seems people are constantly itching, digging, tugging and pulling at their butts trying de laminate their underwear that has became super glued in the deepest darkest areas of their nether regions because of KBS. Then they touch everything.
        Now proof of the .gov cover up. Dr. Faucci is about 4 feet tall. You can barely see him behind the podium during daily press briefings.
        At that elevation he has to have a perfect view if people digging in their butts all day. But yet says nothing. At the next press briefing he needs to demand a step stool. Jump up on it, grab the microphone, and yell. “Stop digging in your butts you morons!”

        Here’s another useless reccomendation. Sneezing in your elbow. They say it could help save lives. Well it almost got me killed. Here’s how.
        The other day the weather was nice. And we had the windows and doors open. My wife was trying to hand me a nice glass of iced tea.
        Well I had one of those almost instant sneezes happen. So following the guidelines I sneezed it to my elbow, while at the same time punching the tea glass out of my wife’s hand. Across the cabin, with the fist connected to the end of my save sneeze place! Luckily with my cat like reflexes, I was able to dive head first, thru our magic mess screen door. Thereby avoiding that automatic, slap upset the head reflex that my wife has developed from raising children!
        OK. OK. Maybe I wouldn’t have gotten killed. But if she connects with that slap to the back of your head. It is very similar in sound and impact, to a .22 rimfire! Lol.

        1. Livin’ in the Woods,

          I just literally passed sparkling water through my nose! LOL

  8. The question still remains;
    “Is 600 rolls really enough?”

    HAHAHA, Gata love Ken’s sense of humor.
    With all the panic and other ‘crap’ going on,
    Laughing at one’s self is a good thing.

    I mean if Oil can have a cost of negative $37 that TP should actually cost -$5 per roll…. Right?
    They should be paying us to take that “one time use” product off their hands.

    AND what do we do with it after that “one time use” we toss it down the toilet for crying out loud, NOT even recycled !!!!!!!!
    I mean why are the Libturds not all over this, Everything else is placed in Recycle Bins and most have Curb Side pickup, WHY NOT TP ??????

    Going to be a good day, Thanks Ken for the laughs

  9. As a side note. I also have developed a vaccine taken orally. It is made, using only half empty bottles of booze and beer from the shop fridge.
    I am proud to announce that it works. I have not gotten the Covid Virus yet.
    The only side effect is that I keep passing out in the shop/laboratory. Lol.

    1. Livin’ in the Woods;
      Please note we don’t have a Drinking Problem…
      I drink.
      I get drunk.
      I fall down.
      No problem……….
      BTW it’s not that we fall down, it’s the floor coming up to great us so we can rest.

  10. Working for a municipality I know first hand that there are items considered non- flush-able and paper towel is one of them; Oh it will go down, but it will not break up and disintegrate like toilet paper is designed to which means your city’s sewer system will suffer and eventually those connected to it as the waste backs up into your homes. I’ve seen it happen many times. If you have a septic tank, it will suffer the same fate eventually. I would seriously recommend not using this as an alternative unless you don’t flush if and bag it for the garbage pick up or something, but that won’t smell to good until pick up day!
    I don’t have the magic answer; but this is not it!
    Good Luck!

    1. Phantom,
      You are completely right, of course. I’m pretty sure Ken meant this tongue-in-cheek, but it doesn’t hurt to point it out for those who might not know. Not even Kleenex should go in the toilet, and it seems like it would disintegrate faster than paper towels.

      Hmmm…Just think how far 600 rolls of paper towels would go!

    2. Phantom, how about those ‘flushable’ wipes ? Our county said do not use them.

      1. My plumber son-in-law mentioned he would be glad to charge $500 for coming to clean out those so-called “flushable wipes”. :)

  11. Hilarious! All Ken needs is one of those disclaimers that reads “Kids, please do not try this at home”

    Thanks for the humor when there hasn’t been much to laugh about lately! 😂

  12. LOVE the photos…grin. Way to go NRP and Blue…good stash…

    but seriously, don’t be putting any of Ken’s “tp” in the toilet/etc….They will plug it up like cement….Very absorbent, and does not break down easy. I have known (recently) folks who did do pretty much what Ken suggested, but they put the used paper in a bag/garbage.

    Thanks for the smile, Ken.

  13. Thanks to Ken, Livin’ in the woods and phantom for reminding us all of several things:

    #1 Improvise and adapt: Find what will work for you and roll with it. Thanks to Livin’ in the woods!

    #2 To phantom: Thanks for the serious reminder to not flush this paper and use the trash can and liners next to the commode to throw away the used paper in the garbage. You think you have problems now, a clogged sewer line will make the modern house uninhabitable in short order.

    #3 Thanks to Ken for posting this as a sense of humor is a great coping mechanism in these weird and interesting times. ( the Chinese blessing and curse: may you live in interesting times.).

    On a practical note, having many fat cats and 1 spoiled dog, we/I get used to the idea of throwing both animal stool and urine balls in the garbage can as we found that most cat litter is also not flushable. ( You CAN flush it butt it will eventually cause you real problems down the line.). When this weirdness started, I went out and obtained many garbage bags and trash can liners in anticipation of weirdness and shortages happening. Thank God the trucks are still rolling and I can find these items as I am the janitor within my own home.

    The unsung heroes in my book these days are the operators of the garbage trucks that continue to roll and pick up our garbage.

  14. Ahhhh come on folks, What’s the problem with PT down the toilet?
    I know that my.@#%$. Is a lot tougher than that Paper Towel HAHAHAH
    Now on the other hand, the Pine Cones and Corn Cobs might be a bit hard on the Sewer Systems and Septic Tank for sure…

    PS; Blue is just shaking his head at this conversation, asking wait’s wrong with doing as the Bear do…… Or him. LOL

  16. And ya git one long rectangle not just those little squares. I like it!

  17. I’m reminded of an old Limerick after reading this…
    “In days of old
    When knights were bold
    And toilets not invented
    You dropped your load
    Upon the road
    And walked away contented…”
    A little levity in this s**tstorm we find ourselves in…

  18. My siblings in Cali and I reminded each other that we all used cloth diapers for our babies….a diaper pail with bleach water next to the privy can be very useful. We all have pets (with our towels being relegated to the :dog towel” piles after a bit of wear and tear….can be cut into reasonable size squares. This all seemed pretty plausible to all of us. Just a thought…
    I also appreciate the great humor of this discussion. My work is so dang serious all the time, it is nice to get some comic relief! (get it, relief!)

    1. I used cloth diapers too and if it was necessary we could use cloth too. However burning your poop papers is good too. Just stand way way back!

    2. I also grew up in the cloth diaper era. My sis had 4 kids and I know that I lost at least 1 diaper down the toilet .

  19. Disclaimer #4: Don’t stack TP as shown, it may collapse and cause GREAT bodily harm. Only professionals should make such an attempt.

    Disclaimer #5: Do NOT stare at photo of Governor, Permanent blindness may result.

    Disclaimer #6: Please make sure to remove all Kernels of Corn from Cob before use.

  20. Hilarious! Loved it. I mentioned here quite a while back using a squirt bottle of warm water like the Japanese toilets have. It cuts down on TP use if it is all washed away….except for those pasty ones. My grandpa used rough newspaper in the outhouse where we spent our summers at the cabin. Everyone had black as*es from it. I took some lambs ear before I went it—ooooh, a lot softer than Charmin!

  22. I used disposal diapers on my daughter, that is until I ran out once. I had no idea how to fold a regular diaper not to mention pinning it so I didn’t stick her.When I finished she looked like I tied her up. I never ran out of disposables again!

  23. Now that’s some pretty wall-paper! The design is absolutely fabulous, dahling! (voice of Thurston Howard, Gilligan’s Island) :D
    luv ya’ll, Beach’n

  24. 120-grit might leave your backside raw. anyone consider a bidet? these things are the unsung heroes of this TP shortage.

  26. Seems to me that those cut up paper towels would work great in the out house up where we go hunting. A lot better than those shiney page catalogues. Wait until you get up in the morning and your the first one to the out house. You open the door, and there’s 1/8 th inch of frost on the seat. Brrrrrrrrrrr!!!

  27. There goes my childhood memories of the sears-roebuck wish book

  30. Just wondering if sometime in the distance future we’ll look back and discover that rumors of NRP large stash was the cause of the ” Great TP Run of 2020″

    1. Who Knows;

      Even though I do appreciate the Humor and the Recognition of the TP Hoarder, one needs to consider how long and why some of us do have a Deep Pantry.
      Here are a few questions that need to be asked.

      How long have we been preparing?
      Why would we see the need to Prepare?
      How is it we could have a Deep Pantry, meaning cost?
      What is our thinking on having a Deep Pantry?
      What really is in that Deep Pantry?
      Do we believe that ‘Food’ is the only item/s needed to be prepared?

      Something I do personally believe people are actually hateful for the way we live and what we have accomplished.
      I am NOT a Prepper, a Hoarder, a Survivalist, or one of those wacked out Doomsday Preppers.

      I have chosen as many MANY here have, to live a Lifestyle.

      I spend 90% of my “off time” dong foolish things like Gardening, Firewood Gathering, Preserving foods and so-on. Why? Becaise I do actually enjoy the “Lifestyle”. Some in this world love to do other things, Partying, Having Fun doing a LOT of other things. Personally I don’t have a single problem with that.
      SO here is my question, “Why do people have such a difficult time understand my goals and Lifestyle, all awhile blaming me (and others like me) for their problems they are currently seeing?

      Lastly, why is it that Many that have not seen the need to prepare for themselves and their families feel it’s acceptable to demand we provide for them? Did they not have the same opportunities that we have? Have other not had the opportunities to buy that extra 10 rolls of TP?

      Personally I have been in the “Lifestyle” for the biggest part of my life. I have given a LOT in my life to live as I do. BUT!!!! This is my choice, as others have made theirs.

      To the point, TP has ZERO to do with the question… “Is 600 rolls really enough?”.

      1. NRP

        “SO here is my question, “Why do people have such a difficult time understand my goals and Lifestyle, all awhile blaming me (and others like me) for their problems they are currently seeing?”

        Simple.

        Herd mentality for one.

        And the one promoted by industry and government – ask yourself how much of our GDP results from consumer spending – about 70%. They have to keep you buying the stuff to keep the supply chain intact which keeps people employed and the money flowing.

        1. hermit us;
          “They have keep you buying the stuff to keep the supply chain intact which keeps people employed and the money flowing.”

          To a point, but did I/you/we not support that Supply Chain when we purchased the ‘TP’ 3 years ago?

          The Herd Mentality I will agree 1000% on.
          Sheeply keeping up with the Jones’s, got to have the newest and best, Disposable Society, Instant gratification, the list is endless.

          BUT the question remains, why am I/you/we the bad guys now for seeing and living as we felt necessary?

        2. NRP

          I think the person in chains has always envied and even hated the freeman.

        4. hermit us &NRP (& of course Blue)
          Somewhere during childhood their parents forgot to take time to read the story about the “Little Red Hen”.

          One of the first books that would have taught self reliance for raising grain to make your own bread, or in the case how to feed one’s self. Yet, the story does also tell about the lazy folks who showed up eat.

        5. Antique Collector,
          The problem with reading the story of the Little Red Hen is that it’s been re-written. The copy that my school district bought for all of our first-grade classrooms had the whole beginning of the story the same, but then when the food was made, the hen shared it with everyone anyway. That made the others feel so good that then they cleaned up her kitchen.

          The Ant and the Grasshopper is another story that’s been changed. In our copy, the ant was mean and wouldn’t share. Some of the other animals took the grasshopper in because he always made them feel good with his music and his happy outlook on life. They had much more rewarding lives than the stingy ant.

          Needless to say, I did NOT share these versions with my classes. How many teachers did, though?

        6. Wendy
          Heard that they had altered books but who knew they ruined a good set of learning tools.
          Guess I will be searching for the old books, & tossing the new ones in the BarB oh Q.

      2. NRP

        Do you recall the discussion we had about using paper towels for TP (over a year ago I think). You did a financial analysis comparing the two products. At the time it was cheaper to use TP. How has the shortage changed that cost comparison?

        1. hermit us;
          The cost of TP these days?
          I heard someone was selling a single roll of TP in LA for $5.oo a roll… OMG

        2. That is why I use the following from purchase through Amazon that has cut down my TP usage by about 90%

          Cloth Diaper Toilet Sprayer Kit, Soosi Hand Held Bidet with 90°Precision Pressure Control (Jet/Soft) Spray Handheld Bidet Toilet Bidet Sprayer- 7/8 inch Brass Valve Core w/ Ceramic Disk Seals Metal Hose 47 inch, Tank/Wall Mount for Bathroom

        3. hermit us:
          are you trying to tell me my Investment in TP is not in the toilet?
          600 rolls at $5.oo a roll $3,000 Ahhhhh man……
          Blue is over there mumbling that $$$ could have been spent on Dog Food….

        4. NRP:

          Norm’s restaurants in SoCal are offering a $35 prepared meal kit, to feed a family of four, for pickup at their locations. Per the radio ad, each meal kit “includes a roll of wrapped toilet paper”.

          No shit. …. So to speak.

        5. tmcgyver — I think Norm’s has a winner. Be interesting, if you hear/read they sell lots of these “meal kits”, let us know.

        6. Jane,

          Norm’s has been running the ad for almost a month, drive-time, on a major market super-station. Winner-Winner, uh, chicken dinner?

        7. tmcgyver — ah, well, I bet he has sold more than usual, with his “perk”..

  31. Response to BigBadCat:

    In regards to the cold toilet seat in the outhouse in January: A trick taught to me by those folks living in the interior of Alaska: Obtain some styrofoam from big box stores after they unpack appliances. Cut the styrofoam to shape and use as a gasket b/t your backside and the toilet seat. After cutting to shape, I would cover it with plastic wrap so it was easy to clean. ( wipe down with a sponge+ cleaner.). Hints like this made me popular in my off grid community decades ago.

    My fat cats are now 18 and 17 lbs respectively. ( I put the fat orange one on a diet so he feels better and moves faster now.) how big is your cat(s)?

    1. Calirefugee:
      Thanks for the tip. It will come in handy this fall. The original BigBadCat was 21 pounds. Sadly, he passed away 3 years ago. Was as tough as his name. Don’t know how big the new one will get, Just got him.

    2. Calirefugee;
      In response to your Response to BigBadCat
      I learned at a very young age.
      Never be the first one to use the Outhouse in the middle of winter. :-)

      1. NRP

        Blue knows the secret. Squat, don’t sit. Am sure he’d be happy to demonstrate for you.

        OTOH, I remember toilet seats hanging on hooks behind the stove near the kitchen door in my grandma’s house in winter. Grabbed it on the way out to her two-holer, and made sure to hang it back up when you came back inside.

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